Wenn ich eines in den letzten 8 Monaten gelernt habe, dann, dass ich mit meinem Schicksal nicht alleine auf der Welt bin.
Ganz besonders am Anfang einer schlimmen Phase im Leben denkt man, dass es nichts und niemanden auf der Welt gibt, der auch nur im Ansatz nachvollziehen kann was man da gerade durchmacht. Ob eine schlimme Krankheit, der Tod eines geliebten Menschen, Selbstwertgefühl-Verlust durch z.B. Arbeitslosigkeit oder Depressionen nach einem schweren Trauma. Es gibt so viele unfassbar schreckliche Schicksale da draußen, von denen wir nicht mal erahnen können, dass sie überhaupt existieren. Aber eine Sache die uns Menschen immer wieder vereint wenn wir uns in einer gefühlt aussichtslosen Situation befinden, sind die quälenden Gefühle und die innerliche Fragerei wie zur Hölle wir das überleben sollen, wenn der Schmerz doch so verdammt tief sitzt und wann es endlich besser wird…
Neben der Tatsache, dass wir Menschen, denen ein solch fieser Schicksalsschlag den Boden unter den Füßen wegreißt, manchmal einfach nur unsere Selbstheilungskräfte aktivieren müssen in dem man an einem positiven Mindset arbeitet, gibt es da noch ein weiterer Faktor der wie eine wundersame Medizin auf die geschundene Seele wirkt: LIEBE.
Das Gefühl der Hilflosigkeit
Ich spreche aus Erfahrung wenn ich euch erzähle, dass die wahre, aufrichtige Liebe von unseren engsten, vertrautesten Lieblingsmenschen wie Freunde, Familie oder Partner, die vor Angst angeknackste Seele retten kann.
Dadurch, dass ich meinen Kampf gegen den Brustkrebs öffentlich in den Sozialen Medien teile, bekomme ich unfassbar viel Feedback von (mir oft fremden) Menschen. Neben zuckersüßen und aufbauenden Worten die mich motivieren stets weiterzumachen und mich darin bestätigen den richtigen Weg gewählt zu haben, kommen oft E-Mails oder Nachrichten mit der immer gleichen Frage:
„Liebe Kim, wie kann ich einer nahestehenden Person, die ebenfalls an Krebs erkrankt ist, helfen. Ich fühle mich so unfassbar hilflos und weiß einfach nicht was ich tun kann um der Person beizustehen…“
An dieser Stelle sende ich hiermit ein DANKE an alle die sich mit ihren Sorgen und Fragen an mich wenden – es fühlt sich an wie eine Art Kompliment an meine Person, denn irgendwie scheine ich ja zu demonstrieren, dass man trotz extremer Diagnose und Umstände noch lebensfroh durchs Leben gehen kann. Auch wenn ich Tage habe, wo ich mich am liebsten gar nicht aus dem Bett bewegen würde und mein Glauben an Karma in Frage stelle, habe ich es tatsächlich geschafft immer positiv zu denken und mit einem Lächeln durch den Tag zu gehen. Das wiederum liegt ganz einfach daran, dass ich mich BEWUSST dafür entschieden habe, dass ich nicht bereit bin mein Leben von der scheiß Zecke bestimmen zu lassen und dass ich SELBSTBESTIMMT leben will!
Durch diese Einstellung kommt automatisch das positive Mindset von dem ich oben bereits sprach – und so schließt sich auch schon der Kreis. Zumindest aus der Sicht mit dem was DU selber für dich tun kannst. Ein ganz anderer wesentlicher Bestandteil ist der, um den sich eigentlich auch dieser Artikel drehen soll. Die Liebe der Angehörigen, also Freunde, Partner und Familie – denn DIE kann wirklich einiges bewirken und den ganzen Prozess ganz toll positiv beeinflussen. Aber wie?
6 sinnvolle Tipps um betroffene Menschen zu unterstützen
Im folgenden möchte ich euch gern meine „Tipps“ auflisten und aus meiner Sicht der Dinge von meinen Erfahrungen berichten, wie mir die Liebe meiner Lieblingsmenschen am allermeisten geholfen hat. Von Anfang bis heute.
- Stärke zeigen wenn du im Gefühlschaos der Angst versinkst
Als Chris und ich diese niederschmetternde Diagnose im Januar 2017 erfuhren (wohlgemerkt 6130 km von Zuhause entfernt, nämlich in unserem New York Urlaub), waren meine 3 engsten Freundinnen und meine Eltern SOFORT zur Stelle. Kein Weg war ihnen zu weit, kein Flugticket zu teuer um, sobald ich wieder in Hamburg landete, bei mir zu sein und mich von Untersuchung zu Untersuchung zu begleiten, mich im Arm zu halten und mich aufzufangen wenn ich mal wieder von meinen Ängsten übermannt wurde. Natürlich hatten auch sie unfassbar große Angst was die unzähligen MRT’s und Co. für besorgniserregende Resultate liefern würden, aber trotzdem waren sie in dem Moment stärker als ich und bewiesen es mir, indem sie sich ihre pure Besorgnis um meine Gesundheit nicht anmerken ließen – sie waren mein Fels, in der vom Hurricane aufgewühlten, Brandung und schützten mich so vor dem Ertrinken.
2. Verständnis für die Extremsituation zeigen
Sobald sich eine neue Extremsituation herumspricht, fangen (teils längst „vergessene“) Leute an dir Gute Besserungsnachrichten per WhatsApp zu schicken. Bitte erwartet nicht, dass der Betroffene (der sich gerade erst mit der neuen furchtbaren Situation auseinandersetzen muss) sich bald zurückmeldet. Klar, manchen Menschen mit denen man auch so häufiger in Kontakt steht, schreibt man, sobald man die nötige Kraft aufgebracht hat, zurück und bedankt sich.
Manchen wiederum, schreibt man erst nach längerer Zeit (oder auch gar nicht) zurück – weil man entweder nicht die nötige Kraft und Inspiration oder schlichtweg einfach keine Lust auf geheuchelte Worte von Leuten hat, die sich sonst auch einen Scheiß für dich interessieren #sorrybuttrue.
3. Da sein
In guten wie in schlechten Zeiten. An Tagen wo es dem Betroffenen gut geht und man zusammen Spaß hat und an Tagen wo einfach alles Scheiße ist.
4. Gemeinsame Unternehmungen
Actions speak louder than words.
Damit meine ich nicht immer nur davon zu reden, zusammen einen Städtetrip zu machen oder 1x die Woche zusammen ins Café zu gehen – sonder MACHEN. Für den Betroffenen gibt es nichts Schlimmeres als sich den lieben langen Tag den Kopf über die ungewisse Zukunft zu zerbrechen. Natürlich liegt es auch am Betroffenen selbst sich Beschäftigung zu suchen und die Zeit in der man krankgeschrieben ist mit Dingen zu füllen die Spaß machen, trotzdem sind die Freunde und die gemeinsame Qualitytime Gold wert und unerlässlich um die schwere Phase erträglicher zu machen.
5. Niemals Dr. Google fragen
Von Geburt an bin ich ein sehr neugieriger und wissbegieriger Mensch. Demnach google ich auch gerne, denn Google weiß fast immer Bescheid. Die Betonung liegt auf fast.
Krebs und natürlich auch andere Krankheiten, sind extrem individuell. Keine Diagnose gleicht einer anderen. Auch wenn man vielleicht denkt Brustkrebs ist Brustkrebs, was sollen denn da für großartige Unterschiede sein? Ich sag’s euch: viele. Zu viele. Demnach kann nur der betreuende Onkologe und der Betroffene selbst genau über den Gesundheitszustand Bescheid wissen und niemand anders. Fragt man aber Dr. Google, hat man entweder nur einen leichten schnupfen oder am besten einen Termin beim Bestatter. Kurz gesagt: googelt man seine Befunde kann man sich eigentlich gleich einen Strick nehmen oder sich einweisen lassen, denn das was man im Internet alles ließt, lässt einen einfach verrückt werden. Das ist auch der Grund warum ich seit meiner Diagnose nicht einmal im Netz nachgeschaut habe und auch meinen Lieblingsmenschen verboten habe, auch nur ansatzweise nach „Metastasen“ oder „Chemotherapie“ zu googlen. Glaubt mir, es ist wirklich besser so, für alle Beteiligten 😉
6. Normalität aufrecht erhalten
Oder wie meine liebe Freundin Jazz sagt: „Du bleibst du und bist nicht NUR die Krankheit!“. Ich glaube diese Aussage bringt es kurz und knapp auf den Punkt und muss nicht weiter erklärt werden.
Selbstverständlich basieren diese 6 Tipps auf meinem subjektiven Empfinden. Trotzdem behaupte ich jetzt einfach mal, dass sich diese mit dem Großteil der Menschen decken, denen diese Art von schlimme Erfahrung, ebenso wenig erspart blieben wie mir…
Summa Summarum
Zusammengefasst kann ich sagen, dass das Wort Liebe, im Zusammenhang mit meiner Krankheit eine ganz neue Bedeutung für mich bekommen hat. Natürlich habe ich vor der Diagnose genauso viel Liebe erfahren (und auch gegeben) wie jetzt, aber gefühlt, nehme ich diese Wärme und Geborgenheit die mir meine Lieblingsmenschen tagtäglich entgegenbringen, noch viel intensiver wahr. Es mag sich vielleicht merkwürdig anhören und alle meine engen Beziehungen zu meinen Bezugspersonen basieren auf einem jahrelangen geben und nehmen, aber manchmal hab ich sogar Probleme diese neue Dimension von Liebe anzunehmen. Da war dieser Tag vorletzte Woche im Krankenhaus – wegen dieser „after Chemo Lungenentzündung“. Ich war so down und fertig mit den Nerven, dass ich einfach nicht mehr wusste, wo ich noch einen Funken Kraft hernehmen sollte, meine Reserven waren einfach aufgebraucht. Keine 24 Stunden später, saß meine Seelenverwandte beste Freundin neben mir am Bett. Angereist aus Zürich, für fast 400€. Nur um 8 (!) Stunden bei mir zu sein und mir Mut zuzusprechen jetzt nicht aufzugeben… meine anderen zwei besten Freundinnen hatten mit ihr zusammengelegt um die kostspielige mini Reise zu finanzieren. Ist das zu fassen? Für mich immer noch schwer greifbar, dass Menschen mich so sehr lieben. Ich meine, meine Liebe zu den dreien ist mindestens genauso groß, ich hätte genau das gleiche getan – und trotzdem war es einfach eine unglaublich liebevolle Geste die mich eine Woche später immer noch umhaut und mir einen neuen Schub an unersetzbarer Power bis zur nächsten Reunion im September gibt.
„In guten Zeiten Händchen halten können wir alle. In schlechten Zeiten nicht mehr loslassen, das ist es, was zählt.“
Ich hoffe, dass meine subjektiven Ansichten wenigstens ein paar Menschen da draußen in gewisser helfen können – vergesst niemals, dass die Liebe das stärkste und natürlichste Medikament der Welt ist und dass man damit selbst die tiefsten Wunden ein wenig kitten und jedes Leben wieder lebenswert machen kann♡
love, Kim
Sollte man sich mal zu Herzen nehmen… vor allem der Satz „die Hand nicht loslassen wenn es mal schwierig ist“ ein schöner Post von dir!!! Und manchmal schadet es nicht zu sehen wer die wahren Freunde sind ❤️
Ich denke, das genau DAS dass Geheimnis einer guten Beziehung zu seinen Lieblingsmenschen ist <3
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Hi Kim, vielen Dank für deinen heutigen Blogpost. Wie immer toll geschrieben!!! Ich frage mich selbst, ob man geblendet von so tollen Freundschaften wie du sie hast nicht häufig Gefahr läuft auch von anderen Freundschaften solchen Einsatz zu fordern! Denn nein, das ist nicht selbstverständlich! Es ist traumhaft und toll! Aber eben nicht selbstverständlich… und ich denke jeder der es gut mit einem meint, gibt sein bestmöglichstes, nur stehen vermutlich 9/10 Freunden im Allgemeinen im Vergleich zu deinen Mädels und deinem Freund absolut in einem schlechten Licht, was ja nicht fair ist! Jeder so wie er es kann.
Versteh mich nicht falsch, ich bin ganz bei dir, dass sich in so einer Situation garantiert viele Stimmen melden, die aus Sensationsgeilheit überall erzählen wollen, dass sie ja diejenige persönlich kennen und womöglich auch noch mit ihr schreiben, die Krebs hat! Doch das ist ja nicht der einzige Beweggrund. Ich stand mal auf der anderen Seite dieser Story und war eben so ein entfernte, ehemals ziemlich gute Freundin, mittlerweile Bekannte, und musste mich mit dem Gedanken rumschlagen: Meldest du dich? Denn mein Gott, die Zeit und der Ort hatten uns auseinander gebracht, passiert, ist auch in Ordnung. Aber ich habe die Gedanken, der denkt sich doch auch, was will die denn jetzt, kreisen lassen… ich hab so mitgefühlt und wollte unbedingt, dass er weiß, dass ich an ihn denke! Ich hab mich dann überwunden und ehrlich, mein Kumpel hat sich übel gefreut. Einfach auch aus der Gewissheit, dass nicht das Desinteresse am Leben des Anderen uns auseinander getrieben hat, sondern einfach das Leben mit all seinen Aufgaben und Herausforderungen. Und daran waren wir ja beide „Schuld“. Wir haben alle irgendwie unsere 2-4 engsten der engen Freunde und ganz automatisch bleibt für den Rest weniger Zeit und Raum. Ich finde aber auf keinen Fall, dass sie deshalb wertlos sind, auch wenn sie eine Schlag vor den Bug brauchen, um zu merken, wie viel jemand ihnen bedeutet. Du hast dein Herz auf der Zunge und zwar ein ziemlich großes wie es scheint und obwohl wir dich alle nicht persönlich kennen, kann ich mir nur schwer vorstellen, dass du einer entfernten Bekannten, mit der du mal mehr oder mal weniger zu tun hattest, NICHT schreiben würdest, wenn du von einer solchen Diagnose bei ihr hören würdest. Und das auch ohne deine eigene Vorgeschichte.
Kann mich täuschen, klar! Aber du liebst ja kontruktive Diskussionen, also hier mein Beitrag! Staystrong/keepfighting
liebe Martina, vielen Dank für deinen reflektierten Kommentar. Ich gebe dir eigentlich in allen Punkten recht, außer wo du schreibst dass der „Vergleich“ von meinen Freunden zu anderen besten Freunden „nicht fair“ sei. Das sehe ich einfach anders, denn vom Grundprinzip hat fast jeder Mensch die Möglichkeit an wichtigen Freundschaften festzuhalten und alles zu investieren um dies dann auch noch jähre später (wie bei uns) zurückzubekommen. Genauso wie in einer Beziehung, da haben ziemlich viele Menschen eine ähnliche Ausgangsbasis, aber es ist auch immer das was man draus macht 🙂 Und ja du hast Recht, ich würde mich mit ziemlicher Sicherheit bei alten freunden melden wenn ich wüsste dass ihnen etwas widerfahren ist. Ich hab hier aber eher Leute gemeint, die man halt kennt, mit denen man aber nicht enger befreundet gewesen ist, die dann so eine lari fari Nachricht schreiben, die sie sich auch hätten klemmen können weil sie genauso gut wie ich wissen, dass das mit uns schon wirklich Ewigkeiten vorbei ist wenn du weißt was ich meine 😉
dir einen schönen Abend und liebe grüße, Kim
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Liebe Kim,
Danke für deine wundervollen Zeilen. Ich hätte mir in meinen schwersten Zeiten auch solche Freunde/Familie gewünscht. Zu wissen dass immer jemand da ist und mich im Notfall auffängt wäre schön gewesen. Es hat mich durchaus stärker gemacht, den ganzen Mist alleine durchzustehen aber meine „Schutzmauer“ ist noch größer geworden. Ich schweife gerade total ab…
Ich wollte hier eigentlich einfach nur Danke sagen für deine Offenheit und deine unbändige Kraft und Lust aufs Leben. Du bist für mich inzwischen eine echte Inspiration und ich freue mich über jede Insta Story und jeden Blogpost. Ich wünsche dir alles erdenklich Gute für die Zukunft. Hier sind alle Daumen und Pfoten für dich gedrückt!
Ganz liebe Grüße,
Tine
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Liebe Kim
Vielen Dank für diesen Post, ich finde deinen Text unglaublich schön und treffend, denn genau diese Sachen sind die Dinge die auch mir unglaublich viel Kraft gaben nach meiner Krebsdiagnose. Es war für mich ein unglaubliches Gefühl die Briefe und Karten zu lesen von Freunden umd Bekannten und einmal zu hören wie sie mich sehen und welche Stärke sie in mir sehen, Dinge und Worte die ich sonst nie erfahren hätte.
Ich bewundere dich für deine Kraft, deinen positiven Geist, deine Lebensenergie und deinen Kampfgeist. Ich wünsche dir weiterhin viel Kraft und eine krebsfreie Zukunft.
Liebe Grüsse Tabea
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Liebe Kim,
Ein ganz wunderbarer Text! Vielen Dank für das Teilen und ich muss sagen du hast da ein paar ganz Besondere Menschen in deinem Leben ! 🙂 Ich wünsche dir von Herzen alles gute !
PS.: „(…) in schlechten Zeiten nicht mehr los lassen“ sollte man sich sehr zu Herzen nehmen, ein schönes Zitat 🙂
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Liebe Kim, einfacher toller Post! Habe es genauso erlebt in einer sehr sehr schweren Zeit… ich bewundere es, wie toll du es in Worte fassen kannst. Echte aufrichtige Liebe kann so so viel bewirken…
Und manchmal tut es gut zu sehen, wer wirklich für einen da ist und für wen man es selbst auch genauso machen würde. Auch wenn man meist auf die Umstände verzichten könnte.
Freundschaften erweisen sich als leer und oberflächlich, viel wichtiger aber – die echten werden so so viel intensiver genossen.
Ich sende dir einen Hauch von Liebe und bin (mal wieder) kimspiriert ❤
Liebe Kim, einfach toller Post! Habe es genauso erlebt in einer sehr sehr schweren Zeit… ich bewundere es, wie toll du es in Worte fassen kannst. Echte aufrichtige Liebe kann so so viel bewirken…
Und manchmal tut es gut zu sehen, wer wirklich für einen da ist und für wen man es selbst auch genauso machen würde. Auch wenn man meist auf die Umstände verzichten könnte.
Freundschaften erweisen sich als leer und oberflächlich, viel wichtiger aber – die echten werden so so viel intensiver genossen.
Ich sende dir einen Hauch von Liebe und bin (mal wieder) kimspiriert ❤
Meine liebste Kimi,
Schöner Beitrag, der sicher vielen helfen wird!
Wir sind für immer, an sonnigen und regnerischen Tagen ein wahnsinns Kleeblatt.
Ewig mein, ewig dein, ewig uns <3
Love you to pieces mein Herz
ihr seid mein größter halt <3
Liebe Kim❤️
ein wunderbarer Text…Du inspirierst mich immer wieder…Danke 😘
Bleib wie du bist 💕
Liebst Ricarda
Hey Kim,
Unglaublicher Post. Ich denke wirklich, du hast es genau auf den Punkt gebracht. Meine Eltern sind beide an Krebs gestorben, mein Papa vor sechs Jahren, meine Mama vor einem Jahr. Aber was sie nie gemacht haben, ist aufgegeben. Klar, sowas willst du sicherlich nicht hören, dass auch manche Menschen den Kampf leider nicht so überstehen, wie du es getan hast. Aber, was ich damit rüberbringen will, ist, dass meine Eltern, egal was kam mich und meine Brüder bedingungslos geliebt haben und es auch jetzt sicherlich noch tun. Und wir haben sie genauso bedingungslos geliebt, auch wenn es uns schwer fiel ins Krankenhaus zu fahren, wir haben es getan, weil jede Sekunde kostbar ist. Deswegen bewundere ich deine Freundinnen auch so sehr, die alles dafür tun, um dir so eine schöne Zeit zu schenken und dir Mut zu machen. Macht weiter so, verbringt Zeit zusammen und genießt wirklich jede Minute, denn diese Minuten sind diejenigen, die uns zu dem Menschen machen, der wir sind. Die uns auch an den schlimmsten Tagen immer wieder vom Boden hochholen und uns weitermachen lassen. Ich bewundere dich und deinen Weg und wünsche dir alle Kraft, allen Mut und alles erdenklich Gute für deinen weiteren Weg! Mach immer weiter so und bleib ein fröhlicher Mensch, denn genau so kann der Krebs besiegt werden. 💪🏻
Liebe Grüße,
Kim
Wie immer wundervoll formuliert! Ich kann das gut verstehen das viele Fragen kommen wie man sich als „Außenstehender“ verhalten soll. Ich weiß noch ganz genau wie Hilflos und verzweifelt ich mich gefühlt habe. Ich hatte so Angst & habe eigentlich mehrmals Täglich „heimlich“ geweint. Ich habe nichts gesagt, weil ich für DICH stark sein wollte Kimi! Und am Ende warst DU die größte Hilfe für mich um mit der Situation klar zu kommen. Durch deine Stärke und positive Energie konnte ich aufatmen & die Sorgen unter Kontrolle bringen. In so einer schweren Zeit geht es nicht um uns, die Außenstehenden, aber es war auch für uns verdammt hart 🙁 Ich bin einfach froh das wir uns haben und uns immer zu Seite stehen. Egal um was es geht. Ob es nun um ein take or toss geht oder um die verschissene Zecke. Love you 👭❤👭
Hallo Kim!
Ich trauere seit 34 Monaten um meinen verstorbenen Vater und wäre wahrscheinlich durchgedreht, wenn ich in dieser Zeit nicht jemanden gehabt hätte, der mir bis heute zur Seite steht. Ich werde ihm auf Ewig dankbar sein. Tatsächlich sind solche Menschen GOLD wert, aber keine Selbstverständlichkeit. Deshalb hat man sozusagen „Glück im Unglück“, wenn man in extrem schweren Lebensphasen so einen Menschen (bei mir war/ist es tatsächlich „nur“ eine einzige Person, welche in diese Kategorie fällt) um sich hat. Oberflächliche Sprüche bekommt man mehr als genug zu hören, wenn man stark leidet. Umso wichtiger ist die Existenz von tieferen Beziehungen.
Deshalb möchte ich an dieser Stelle DANKE MATTHIAS sagen ….. und DIR, liebe Kim, weiterhin alles Gute wünschen!!!
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